This poem does not have a happy ending. I could rhyme a million ways to describe how I felt. I could be poetic to describe to you that my heart is leaving, it is shrinking, pulling a reverse grinch and growing smaller. I know things will get better but damn it’s not happening now so it’s time to write, to listen, and go speak with conviction. I could use flowery language that’ll never live up to Shakespeare as if these emotions I have just suddenly appeared but they didn’t, they were dormant waiting for a catalyst to come along and shake them up to the surface. I feel broken. I feel hurt. I feel deserted, lost, empty. I feel hopeless, like this dark tunnel that I’m in will never be flooded with light. Maybe if I burn my own skin it’ll illuminate it a bit but that way will only allow self destruction to seep in. Maybe I could build a bomb and blow this tunnel to smithereens but the only thing that will be affected is me… When I don’t want to be bothered I’ll let my phone die.. sometimes I envy it.
I could tell you these tears are fake, and just for show. Or I could be honest and say they’re real from sadness which is the only emotion left in my soul. I was happy.. I was proud of the man I’d become but how can I look at myself in the mirror now? I look down, my knuckles turning white from rage I look further past and see I’m pushing 120 on the freeway while it rains. I brake. Then I break. This is not the life I had intended for myself, propped up on a shelf, thinking about how I’m everyone’s self help rather than helping myself. My belt, sturdy like my bones… this is what will be remembered as my throne. Now this noose, not as loose around my neck, did I tell my family I loved them today… check. I know I will leave this world in shock, one last thought as my descent makes the chair rock… side to side my body swings… this is all that’s left of me.
I told you this poem didn’t have a happy ending, so why are you so surprised?
At least when they find me they won’t have to open my eyes.
Jakob's Poetry 