Used

What feels better than being loved. Being wanted. The want of a human makes my heart humid and warm. From the site of a friend, that’ll be your friend to the end, no matter how many times we go around the bend, I’d send all my love to them, and then turn around and do it again. Fights, they happen, but with friends you’d never abandon because you know you’ll love ‘em when all the dust clears, it’s clear that we were never really… that.

You know when you were little and your parents scolded you for just squeezing the toothpaste tube however you wanted so you had to roll it up and make sure you get it all out? Every last little drop? Hm. Sounds familiar. So it’s my fault that you want to go back to the man who made you suicidal. Okay. You made me your personal toothpaste tube, making sure every last part of my contents were used and spit down the drain. But it’s your pain that should be the one not in vain, because hey, love is real right? But only with people that would give your life fright.  It’s a power thing, you like to feel in control. I’d believe that if you didn’t say you were a pushover… although I guess everything you said could just be bullshit to get a hit of power you so long to have.

But the truth is if you asked me to go back into it I’d go through it once more because love is war and it’s better to be half loved than to never be loved once more, I mean sure. Someone will come along, and these feelings right now won’t last forever but this endeavor I was hoping to be my last, the blast that would send me into a cosmos of spinning colors and bright stars. Not black holes and anti-matter screaming it don’t matter because men can’t show they’re tattered and worn because if we do we’re bitches right? Nice.

So fuck you. Fuck your feelings. Fuck everything you know about me and will inevitably spill, pop those pills so you don’t feel, or heal. But guess what? Nothing you ever “love” will be real until you let those walls down. Know that I love you when I say this, but… Go fuck yourself.